Death Butterfly Calling
by cjcullenlawiet
Summary: Kai was a tortured soul roughing it on the streets of Japan until Ichigo sent her to thee soul society where she became a soul reaper and fell in love. Now her love is near death, who could she turn to for comfort? Ichigo of course! TH/OC,IK/RK,&IK/OC
1. Goodbyes and Flirty Hellos

"Help me!" I cried, tears stinging my eyes. The monster behind me bellowed and laughed at my feeble attempt at rescue. "No, I can't die this way!" I gasped, shaking my spectral head, even though I knew I was already dead. A year ago I had been struck by a truck during a shopping trip with my friends Truth and Ayame. Ever since then I've wandered around, waiting for my eternal peace. No such luck. I gasped as I ran, trying to get away from this beast. Suddenly I fell, but as I hit the pavement a strange boy was gliding through the air past me. His odd orange hair confused me but all I could do was sob in happiness that I was saved. Soon after a tiny black haired girl arrived wearing identical clothing as the strange orange haired boy.

"Ichigo! Are you alright?" she asked as the boy went sailing through the air and landed with a skid on the ground. She wielded a long sword and ran at the monster, yelling strange chants all the way. "Kendo 33, SO CON SUI!"

"Ryukia! Watch out for the girl!"yelled the boy, Ichigo, with frustration as I scampered out of the way of the frightening pair. Were they really saving me or were they just saving me for themselves? More tears of fright escaped as I got up and began running again.

"Wait! Where do you think you are going?" yelled the two in unison. I yipped and ran harder, not knowing how much more of this my soul could take. I saw an alley and ran down it, hoping for the promise of a hiding spot and a place to rest. I heard the monster roar in the distance and then a sort of fizzling sound. Footsteps came closer as I ducked behind a trash can and tried to quiet my breathing.

"Come out! We won't hurt you! We want to help…" Ichigo sighed, putting his hand behind his neck and raising his elbow into the air in a confused motion.

"He's not as scary as he looks, you poor frightened soul. He's really very nice," said the girl, Ryukia. I cried as they turned down my alley. I cupped my hand around my mouth, trying to cover my terrified cries. Did they kill that monster? Would they do the same to me or were their promises of help genuine? I closed my eyes, hoping they would just go away and stop scaring me. I screamed loud as I heard the trash can guarding me from them was moved. I opened my eyes only to stare into orbs of melted gold.

"Hey there, it's okay, calm down. I promise we won't hurt you. I'm Ichigo Kurosaki, this is my friend Ryukia Kuchki. What is your name?" said the boy as he took my arms and lifted me up from the cold ground.

"Kai, Kai Helsenki. Please, please, don't hurt me. I'll do anything….." I said quietly, wiping my tears away. I wasn't surprised when the girl chirped back that they had already promised to not hurt me. And that it was going to be alright.

"Well Kai, I think we can help you move on. You'll go to a very nice place called the Soul Society, where you'll live in peace away from those nasty monsters" said Ichigo while ruffling my hair with a smile, even though I was the same age as him.

"Yes, you'll really like it there," said Ryukia with a comforting smile.

"No, can't I please say goodbye first? My family..?" I begged. I had to at least tell my family that I was okay and moving on.

"We can help you with that too" said Ichigo. He took my shaking hand and looked me in the eyes. "It's going to be alright Kai. I swear on my life."

Ichigo's P.O.V

I released Kai's hand and she led the way to her home. Ryukia watched on with pained eyes as the girl wandered down dark streets and was silent. We just followed, both as sorry for this soul as we've ever been. Her soul had scars and marks from other Hollows chasing her and taking bits and pieces of her soul. After a while Kai had stopped, walked through a yard and started to look into a window. She stretched on her tip toes and cupped her hands around the glass as she stared at a family, a mother a father and two young girls. One seemed to be about eleven and the other one was probably about two years old. They sat around a fire and the mother stared at a lone picture on the mantel. It was of Kai, lying in a pile of autumn leaves with her long black hair swirled around her. She was very pretty. I glanced at her as she peeped and I touched her shoulder, it was shaking again with sobs. Poor girl.

"Kai, I can still see you when I'm human, all you have to do is help me convince them I'm not lying about talking to you and then I can tell them anything you want me to" I said as she turned to look at me, tears covering her ashen colored eyes. They were so sad, never before had I seen such a pitiful and sad soul. My heart truly ached for her.

"Okay, thank you Ichigo" she said while wiping away her tears and walking toward the front door. I joined her as I summoned my gegi and we waited as Kon came running down the street with my body. When he arrived my eye began to twitch as I saw that Kon had marker drawn all over my arms. Numbers and ladies' names were scrawled on my skin.

"KON!!!!!! YOU IDIOT! THAT IS MY BODY!" I screamed. Kon flushed and pulled out a wet nap. I seethed as he scrubbed furiously trying to erase the numbers. Finally all that could be seen on my pale skin were evenly spaced red marks. I was going to get Kon for this later. I popped the back of my head and Kon came flying out my mouth and Ryukia caught him and stuffed him into that same ugly stuffed toy lion. I sighed as I looked at my new red marks, some were already fading and Ryukia was rummaging for an ointment to heal the rest before I entered the Helsenki residence, like I would need any help looking like a lunatic.

I looked over at Kai who had been ready to enter her home for the past few minutes. Ryukia rubbed the cream in and the marks faded. I sighed and readied myself for this. I had only done it a few times, but each time I was as nervous as I am now. Kai glanced back at me, this time pleading with me to hurry. The father had picked up the baby and walked into a beautiful pink nursery. He set the baby down and walked back into the family room and hugged Kai's mother close as they both looked at Kai's picture.

"Let's go Kai, it's getting late. We have to do this now" I said as I knocked on the ornate wooden door. Kai's little sister answered the door and I smiled at her. Ryukia motioned to just go on and that she would wait outside. I turned to the young girl with a smile. "May I speak with your parents? It's urgent."

"May…….Oh May, I've missed you so much!" Kai cried with tears running down her cheeks still.

"Mom, Dad. There is a boy here to see you," called the girl and I heard Kai's parents shuffle from the living room to join us at the doorway. Kai cupped her hand around her mouth as she stifled heart breaking cries. I winced at the sound of it.

"Young man, how may we assist you?" asked Kai's father. I shifted my weight nervously and I touched the back of my neck. Oh man.

"I have to talk to you about……your daughter" They both looked at May but I just shook my head and smiled a little. "Not May, Kai."

"What!?! Why do you ask about her?" said her mother as she nearly collapsed into her husband's arms. Kai whimpered in sadness.

"Mom, Dad……."

"She's here you know. Please invite me in and give me a chance to explain."I begged, the look in my eyes must have said it all because they motioned for me to come inside. I walked forward, but not without moving so Kai could enter. She followed her father and mother as they led me into the warm family room we had watched them in earlier. "Please ask anything, to make sure that I am not lying to you. Ask only something Kai would know. Anything to make you believe me." I said, my voice becoming stronger as Kai stood behind me with her arm on my shoulder. Her fingers traced little circles on my skin and somehow that relaxed me.

"Where is her birthmark?" inquired her father with his eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"In my left eye Ichigo, tell them that" Kai whispered.

"She says it's in her left eye, sir" I stated. I looked at her parents whose eyes were wide with shock.

"What are her sister's birthdays?" asked Kai's mother. Kai whimpered at the mention of her sisters. And her focus went to the bedroom at the end of the hall.

"Kai? Answer please, you asked me to do this, so focus….." I said while turning my head to look at Kai who just whispered the dates back to me without turning her gaze.

"She said 'September 4th, 1997 and August 4th , 2008.'" I said turning my gaze back to Kai's parents. They both shook their heads.

"Is she okay??" asked her mother. Kai turned her head and took a few steps to knell by her mother and father. I smiled.

"Tell them that I'm fine, Ichigo and that tonight I'll be moving on" she said, whipping away her tears.

"Yes, she said that she's fine and she wants you to know that this is the last night she will dwell. She is moving on tonight" I said. Her parents broke into tears, they hugged and Kai said her goodbyes, I relayed them and then I took my leave. I bowed out of the room as Kai touched their faces and then disappeared into her sisters' room. She came back out to me and took my hand as we walked out the door. But before I could take a step out the door I heard a voice call to me.

"Tell her we love her, Boy, tell her that we will never forget her and that she is missed, by everyone. It's not the same without her," cried her mother as she stumbled into the hallway, tears streaming down her cheeks. She reached out to me and fell into my arms. "Thank you so much, you did us a great kindness. You are an exceptional boy." I nodded, I helped her up and Kai's father entered with red eyes also and he shook my hand. I glanced backwards at Kai, whose eyes glistened once again.

"You got all that Kai Helsenki? You get that these people love you more than anything?" I smiled and took a step out the door as she nodded and squeezed my hand.

"I love you Mom, you too Dad." Kai whispered. Then we walked away from the house, a house that was once filled with pain and loss, now a house that could heal, a house that will always hold a place for Kai. Ryukia ran up to us and we walked to a remote place to help Kai pass over to the Soul Society. I held Kai's hand as Ryukia whispered the spells and stamped Kai's forehead with the back of her sword. Kai closed her eyes and I smiled and whispered a fond farewell to Kai Helsenki. As she floated upwards, into the now dark sky I sighed.

"How perfectly awful. That poor girl. I hope she does well in the Soul Society" said Ryukia as she returned her sword to her sheathe and stretched her muscles. She looked over at me, my eyes were downcast and my chest heaved with the crushing grief that that family hurt just like my father, my sisters and I had when my mother was killed. Tears flowed from my eyes. Ryukia was right. How perfectly awful this whole situation was. If there had been a way to save Kai, bring her back to her family I would have done anything to do it. Juts to save another family from going through what my family and I had. I continued to cry as Ryukia chided my name and rubbed my back soothingly.

"Why is this world so cruel, killing the young and the good? How can it be?" I sobbed, not caring about my pride. This is the night I was going to let it out and just cry. Finally the worst of my tears had pasted and Ryukia led me back to my home, where my father was waiting for us.

"Out all night were ya'! I suggest you two tie the knot before doing things like THAT!" my father said with an eyebrow wiggle as I walked in the door. With the little strength I had left I threw my fist into my father's face.

"Idoit! How dare you assume……."I growled. Ryukia held a restraining hand on my arm.

"Ichigo, forget about it. Just go get some rest. That last Conso really took it out of you. It's okay. Just go to bed" aid Ryukia with worry clear in her violet eyes.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." I said, yawning and stretching my arms until the joints popped loudly. There was no way I was going to make it through school today. I would stay home. Ryukia would go though, I figured as I opened my closet for her so that it noise wouldn't wake me when she decided to go to sleep too. I closed my eyes and flung myself on my bed, still in my clothes. I drifted into a melancholy dream about Kai Helsenki. I hope she's alright…..

Kai's P.O.V

3 years later

I stood proudly, back straight and smile wide. I heard my name called and I squealed a little as I looked at my friend Renji. He smiled back flirtingly. He's such a womanizer! I giggled a bit before I walked up onto the platform and looked into the eyes of the Head Captain. His old wrinkled skin folded as he smiled at me and handed me a piece of paper and my very own zanpakuto. Three years I had studied and worked to be a great Soul Reaper. I had made great friends, and graduated before the rest of my class. I was graduating 2 years ahead of my own class and I looked into the excited faces of my peers who had come to cheer me on. I took my zanpakuto and I thanked and bowed to the Head Captain.

"Kai Helsenki, due to your great success in the Soul Reaper Academy you will be placed in the hands of Captain Hitsugaya. You now belong to squad ten. Stay loyal and true young Soul Reaper" said the Head Captain. I smiled broadly. Squad ten? Captain Hitsugaya was a very highly respected captain, his snow white hair and………lack of height made him very easy to pick out from a crowd so I scanned the rows to look for him as I exited the platform and another Soul Reaper was called up. I looked around before taking my seat on the opposite side of the students that had yet to be called. A voice sounded behind me and I jumped, not prepared to hear a voice so close.

"Hello there, Kai Helsenki. Congratulations on being placed in my squad" Said Captain Hitsugaya. I grabbed my chest and I turned to look at him. I gasped to see he was only slightly taller than me while I was sitting, Rangiku wasn't kidding when she told me he was………gravity impaired. His eyes were a beautiful teal color and his snow white hair dazzled me. I stood quickly only to bow at my waist.

"Captain. I apologize. I did not see you there," I blushed as I whispered my apology "Thank you for the congratulations. I am thrilled to learn under your expertise." My eyebrows furrowed as I heard a chuckle.

"Stand, Soul Reaper Kai Helsenki. No need to be so formal. Welcome, I can tell already you will be a delight to have" said Captain Hitsugaya. I stood and smiled at him. He nodded.

"Thank you again, Captain." I said. My stomach did flips in nervousness, holy…..crap. I looked my new captain in the eyes, they seemed old, but they exploded with knowledge. I saw Rangiku run up to both the captain and I.

"Captain, I see you have met my friend, Kai. Isn't she a riot?" laughed Rangiku. The captain smiled at her and nodded.

"She seems a bit star-struck, Rangiku. What lies have you been filling her head with?" asked Captain Hitsugaya. He chuckled again. I smiled widely and laughed along. Captain Hitsugaya glanced up at the sky. He frowned a bit then turned back to Rangiku and I.

"It seems it is time for me to excuse myself. See you both tomorrow, Rangiku, Kai" said the captain. He nodded in goodbye and then Rangiku and I had our chance to rejoice that we were in the same squad.

"Rangiku, tell me more about the captain" I said excitedly, "for some reason he doesn't seem to think he's all that special. Doesn't he know who he is exactly?" I asked.

"Oh, he's a very mysterious man, I'm closer to him than anyone here in the Soul Society, but I don't even know all that much about him" frowned Rangiku.

"What do you mean 'closer to him than anyone in the Soul Society'?" I asked, confused. "Are you two together???!!??" I giggled. Rangiku blushed deeply.

"NO!" yelled Rangiku, though she wouldn't look at me "He's my captain! I wouldn't even think of such a thing!!!"

"Right, Rangiku, whatever you say……" I laughed. She swatted at my arm so I just dropped the subject. Rangiku was quiet after that. She showed me to my dorm and she showed me where I could keep my things. I ran to my old apartment to get all my belongings. When I had returned my eyes were drooping. Man, what a day. I slumped down on my bed, fully clothed and on top on the covers, and fell asleep.

The next morning

"GET UP!" squealed Rangiku as she pushed me right off my bed.

"Ah!" I yelled as I hit the cold floor. I laughed. "Idiot!" I giggled as she reached to help me up. Renji arrived in the doorway. I smiled broadly at him. "Renji!" I laughed. I ran to him and I gave him a hug. He laughed at me.

"Look who 's all chipper and bright today!" he laughed as I removed myself from him. He put his hand on my shoulder. "I was just dropping by to say 'good luck' and don't let midget face walk all over you."

"Renji! Don't speak poorly of Captain Hitsugaya!" I said as I punched him lightly in the chest."So far, he's been nothing if not kind to me."

"Whatever you say Kai. Anyways, good luck" said Renji as he turned and walked out the door. Waving as he walked out my door and down the street. I waved and Rangiku just nodded in his general direction. She wasn't so fond of my red-haired friend. I laughed at her.

"You better get ready Kai. The captain will be angry if you're late. He expects great things from you, Ms. Smarty-pants-graduating-2-years-early" Rangiku rolled her eyes. She stood then and left me to get dressed. I watched her go nervously. I hoped I could live up to Captain Hitsugaya's expectations. Now, there, in lies the challenge.

I dressed in a daze, barely noticing the pull of the robe over my skin. I looked over at my mirror to check my hair. I pulled it into a long and silky ponytail and brushed the long tail. I slid my zanpakuto in its place and took a moment to relax. Suddenly I heard an announcement calling all Soul Reapers to their training quarters. I smiled and ran down the streets of the Soul Society. Young souls that were not able to be Soul Reapers stood at the edge of the street and waved as I hurried to not be late to my first day of training. I grinned wider as I saw the symbol of squad ten on an arch. Captain Hitsugaya and Rangiku were greeting all as I slowed and walked slowly and respectively toward the pair. I bowed to them both and whispered hello's before I entered the large room in which I would learn how to fight as well as the older and much more experienced Soul Reapers. Hoping to get some guidance on today's activities I walked right up to a small group of older Soul Reapers.

"Hello, my name is Kai Helsenki, I am a new recruit" I bowed in respect to my elders and the three Soul Reapers all stood and bowed back to me. I glanced around to see any of my class mates, but surprisingly I didn't see any. Maybe they were late?

"And I am Hojo. You may regard me as such" said a large Soul Reaper who bore a dark scar that tore down from the left side of his fore-head all the way to his chin. When he said this the other two men chuckled and whispered more inappropriate nick names. I giggled.

"Honored" I said as I stood to greet the other two. After introductions they invited me to sit with them and join their "Team" for the exercise that we would be doing today. I smiled and accepted. I grinned at Rangiku as she entered with Captain Hitsugaya. Everyone stood and bowed in respect and the captain told us all to sit. He relayed instructions on how to complete the exercise that Hojo and the others had mentioned. I smiled at the group as we walked forward to be the first to compete. We each grabbed a wooden stick. I walked forward into the sand pit with the rest as we took our stances.

"Ready?" asked Captain Hitsugaya as he looked at me with the other Soul Reapers skeptically. I furrowed my eyebrows. He thought I was no match for them, well I guess I would just have to show him then. All I had to do is hit the men in a place where it would have injured them past fighting ability if I were using a zanpakuto.

"Yes, Captain!" we all yelled in unison. He smiled a bit and then gave us the signal to start the simulation battle. The three men rushed towards each other. I ran into the mix and rammed one man in the stomach. He fell to the ground with a cough. The remaining two were exchanging blows. They were so busy fighting each other that at least one of them stood no chance. Bad move on their parts. I turned to the man fighting Hojo and I rolled and came up on the other side of him. I gave him a good whack on the shoulder. Hojo's eyes were wide. I looked at the captain and Rangiku quickly and I saw both their jaws drop down in surprise. I looked back at Hojo. He narrowed his eyes at me, I smiled and I swung my stick at him, for the first time my opponent wasn't distracted so I was countered. The sticks hit each other with a loud crack and I grinned wider. This is FUN. I narrowed my eyes and decided now was the time to concentrate. I saw Hojo's two friends rooting him on while it seemed the rest of them were rooting on the newbie. I roared as I tried to hit Hojo again. He countered again and I decided to unleash my secret weapon. I threw my stick into the air and did a tight flip into the air. Mid-air I punched Hojo on the side of his neck. I laughed as I landed gracefully in the sand and caught my stick as it came down. Hojo fell to the floor, unconscious. A roar of laughter and cheers erupted. Rangiku ran up to me and we hugged for a moment before Captain Hitsugaya walked over to me. I bowed quickly. I looked into his ice blue eyes and I was glad to see pride there. I barely noticed Hojo's friends as they carried him away.

"Congratulations. Kai, you are my first recruit to ever beat three experienced Soul Reapers in a battle simulation on the first day. You are going to do well here. I can now see why the Head Captain placed you here" smiled Captain Hitsugaya. I gasped as he bowed in respect. I smiled and bowed back.

"Captain would you mind if I had a go with our new pupil?" asked Rangiku, my jaw dropped.

"What? Oh, I guess I was under the wrong impression. Are you two not close?" asked the captain. His eyebrows furrowed.

"Oh, we are. Don't worry Captain. I would damage her too badly" she winked at the captain and then smiled at me. What the HELL does she think she's DOING!


	2. Headaches

Rangiku's P.O.V

I winked at Captain Hitsugaya as I stepped into the sand pit. Kai, I'm so sorry. My heart clenched as Toshiro smiled at Kai. I winced as I recognized a fascinated and proud look cover his face as he stared at her. I couldn't let her come in between him and I. Even though she's my best friend, I can't let her replace me. I grabbed a wood stick and took my stance. I watched sorrowfully as Kai took her stance and looked at me with confused eyes. I decided to show her an emotion she could at least understand. I glared at her half heartedly. Her eyes popped wide as she registered my phony anger. I could see her begin to seethe and she finally returned my glare. I waited as she ran forward and raised her stick into the air. I spun out of its way and I caught Kai in the back with a swing what would surely leave welts. I winced at her gasp of pain. She growled and turned to face me. She slid her stick next to her zanpakuto and ran at me with betrayal in her eyes. Oh Kai, I'm so sorry. I gasped as she caught me in the face with her fist. Wow, she could hit REALLY heard. I rolled my jaw as I looked at her. I ran, dodging another of her attacks and tried to catch her in the back again. But Kai had her stick ready and countered. Couldn't she see it in my eyes I wasn't fighting for her? I was fighting for the man I love, the man who, no matter how desperately I wanted him to, would never love me. I closed my eyes for a second and dashed forward. Kai looked at me desperately but I could only stare back. I raised my stick in the air and I saw Kai's eyes start to water. I saw her shoulders slump and her stick fall to the ground before I delivered my last blow. Just before my stick connected with Kai's head I heard Toshiro gasp and yell.

"Rangiku, STOP! She's given up!" he exclaimed. Unfortunately it was just too late. I heard a deafening crack as Kai's head was victim to my strong blow. She screamed in pain just before she fell to the ground limply. Oh no! KAI!

I stood there, staring at the hands that had injured my best friend. I couldn't rationalize that they were mine. No, no, no….. I didn't pay attention to the others as they all rushed over to help Kai. Finally I looked up only to see Toshiro, holding Kai in his arms, he was staring at me. I couldn't tell if it was disappointment or anger that made his eyes smolder but I could tell the captain wasn't happy with me. I dropped to my knees helplessly.

" Captain, I'm so sorry. Kai, oh Kai!" I whispered as I began to cry. This had not been what I had wanted at all. I wanted to just beat her by a little, to show Toshiro that I was strong, too. But now I felt so weak that I couldn't even stand. I sobbed as everyone filed out the door to help Kai to the infirmary and to make sure she would be okay. I was left all alone, no one would stay to care if I lived another second. I cried harder as I realized that I was a horrible person, and an even worse friend. No wonder Toshiro couldn't love me. I'm just so rotten……I ran my hand through my long red hair. The pain in my chest was staggering, my whole body shook with it and no matter how hard it tried it couldn't find an escape. The pain was locked in my body and I couldn't dream of one single way to be rid of it.

Toshiro Hitsugaya's P.O.V

I held Kai's limp body in my arms as I ran toward the hospital wing. I prayed I could make it in time for her. Her breath was shallow and I could hear her heart beat strongly. She would live, but would she be okay? What could Rangiku possibly been thinking to take on a new recruit and then fight with everything she had. What was she trying to do, kill Kai? Sometimes I wonder if Rangiku was all there in her head. I looked down at Kai's serene face. Her pained scream echoed in my ears as I winced at the memory of it. Damn Rangiku. When Kai gets better Rangiku is in for a world of hurt. Kai moaned in her unconsciousness and wrapped her arms around my neck. I held her closer, if that was even possible. Poor Kai. She had already been through so much. Her body was covered with scars, scars from Hollows. I couldn't even imagine what this soul had been through before she came to the Soul Society, where she excelled. Her fighting abilities were far beyond that of a normal first year Soul Reaper. Also she had the capacity of a genius. So smart. One day she might even surpass my skills and become a captain.

I looked down at her again, her breathing was a bit steadier and it seemed more like she was sleeping than passed out, now. Glad, I smiled. I turned a corner and ran through the doors of the infirmary. Nurses gasped and ran to get a doctor. One came back waving me to bring her into a room. I walked forward and set Kai down gently. I got her to release her death grip from behind my neck. I waited out in the hall as a doctor examined Kai and wrapped a bandage around her head. For the first time I realized she was bleeding. The red that oozed from her head made me wince. Rangiku really hit her hard. I glanced down at my sleeve. It too was covered with red liquid. I shrugged out of my robe and tied the top of my shirt around my waist so that I was bare-chested and I wouldn't have to look at Kai's blood that stained my uniform. As the doctors and nurses cleared her room I went in to sit next to Kai. I heard the beep of the machine that measured Kai's heart beats. Beep, beep, beep. I sighed and suck into a chair. Under the scars, Kai was very pretty, I realized. She looked so peaceful, only the blood stained bandage gave away that she was injured instead of just sleeping.

I couldn't take my eyes off of Kai's sleeping figure, no matter how hard I tried. Hours must have passed and I hadn't moved an inch. Finally Kai's eyes fluttered and she looked into my eyes.

"Captain Hitsugaya!" she exclaimed as she shot straight up. I watched her as she grabbed her head in pain.

"Kai, lay back down!" I ordered her. I stood and put my hand on her shoulder. I pushed her back down, even though she was reluctant. She stared at me with anxious eyes.

"Am I okay?" she asked. My eyebrows furrowed deeply. What?

"Of course you are. You only have a simple head injury and a concussion. Why? Do you not feel okay?" I asked, now just as anxious as she was.

"No…..I feel fine, other than having a splitting headache. I can thank Rangiku for that later…."She seethed. "What I was really wondering is why you stayed. Training has to resume. I thought you would have brought me here and left to continue." I frowned.

"I just stayed to make sure you came around okay. Why? Do you wish for me to go?" I asked, getting out of my chair feeling a little hurt that she wanted me to go. My eyes were downcast when she spoke again.

"No! That's not what I meant…" said Kai, blushing while she turned her embarrassed eyes away from mine. I blushed also, if only slightly. At least she didn't want me to go……

Kai's P.O.V

I turned away, thoroughly embarrassed. What was this feeling in my chest? I felt warm and almost like I could fly. Despite my aching head, I felt grand. I looked back at Captain Hitsugaya and smiled. Just then, I realized, where the hell did his shirt go??????!!!!?????

"Thank you for caring, and for staying. I really appreciate it. It's nice to have someone care" I said quietly. I blushed as I inconspicuously peeked at his rippling abs and…….pectorals. Cue deep blush……

"No problem," he said, his blush deepening. What exactly was this feeling? Just then I heard my name being called. I heard a nurse talk for a moment and then Renji came bursting into my room loudly. I grabbed my head in pain. Oh OW.

"KAI! OH MY GOD, I'M SO HAPPY YOUR OKAY!" shouted Renji as he ran to me and hugged me tightly.

"Renji, I……can't…….breathe…...!" I whispered in his ear. He quickly let me go and I flopped down on my bed. OW!!! "You IDIOT! OUCH!" I said harshly but quietly.

"Oh, sorry Kai" he whispered, hands up in the air, palms forward like he was surrendering. He looked over at Captain Hitsugaya and raised his eyebrows.

"What are….Did I interrupt something?" asked Renji, looking from Captain Hitsugaya's naked chest to me several times before the Captain spoke.

"Actually, I was just about to leave" he said. I frowned. He looked at my grimace and raised his eyebrows. I blushed and shook my head, forgetting about the pain for a second. He smiled at me and left the room with no more than a bow and a nod in my direction. I waved quickly. Renji began to glare at me.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked, in disbelief that after all I'd gone through today that he wanted to give me more crap. Jerk.

"What's going on? It's your first day and you're in the hospital and midget face is at your side giving you googley eyes while his shirt is nowhere to be found?" said Renji, looking skeptical.

"Hey, blame Rangiku! She's the one who had to bash me in the head for some god forsaken reason. Where the hell is she anyways? She was some explaining to do!" I said, getting angrier with each passing minute. "And Captain Hitsugaya was NOT giving me goggley eyes! He just wanted to make sure I was okay, like any good captain would!"I said as my face began to grow red and Renji noticed how upset I was. Tears spilled over the edge of my eyes as the depth of Rangiku's betrayal sank in. What is her problem? Renji walked over to me slowly. I cried harder as I threw my arms around his neck as he hugged me close, but not so hard that it hurt my ever aching head. Renji held me and whispered promises to stay with me until I could go home.

"How could she do this Renji? How could she nearly kill me and then not even bother to come and explain herself?" I sobbed. I buried my head in his shoulder and his red hair tickled my face. What's the deal anyways? She couldn't be happy for me on my first day and let me have the spotlight for even a little while? Was she really that desperate for Captain Hitsugaya's attention? And even now, I doubt that putting a new recruit in the hospital was the way to gain the approval of anyone, especially the captain.

I yipped loudly as I began to calm down. Renji rubbed my back and hugged me close. My eyelids were heavy and I started to yawn as my crying stopped. And finally, I fell asleep in Renji's arms. I dreamed of a boy, with orange hair. I could almost feel him holding my hand as I slept. What was his name? Ichi-something? I awoke with Renji snoring loudly in my ear. I wrinkled my nose as I moved my face away from his. Renji was a good friend, but I just didn't feel that way about him. His hand was wrapped around mine, but I think after that whole crying fit I at least owed him enough to let him sleep. I was relieved to find that my head didn't hurt as much today, and that my bandage was off. I touched where my wound had been, only to find a row of perfectly spaced stitches. I winced at I touched them, I noted to leave them alone. Just because they didn't hurt all the time didn't mean I could put my fingers all over them and expect them not to hurt. I sighed as I put my hand under my leg to resist the temptation to feel the perfect stitches again. I glanced at my hand that was covered by Renji's over-sized hand. Oh Renji. I smiled at his sleeping figure and I moved the hand under my leg to pet his red hair. It spiked out wildly just as it always had. My head tilted to one side. I glanced at the clock. It was nearly noon. I sighed as I nurse came in, right on cue. I put my finger to my lips, showing her to be quiet because of Renji. She smiled at me and nodded. She brought in a tray of food and a little cup filled with pills. I really needed all of these? I poured them out on my tray to count them. 2, 4, 6 8. Eight pills? The nurse smiled at me understandingly and handed me a cup filled with juice. I frowned and popped a few into my mouth, hoping to get it over with. I tried not to move but when I swallowed a painfully large pill I flinched. Renji awoke fitfully.

"What?Wah!! What is going on!!!!??!!" yelled Renji as he released my hand and his arms flailed wildly. His reaction was so intense that the chair he was sitting in tipped backwards and he fell back. I covered my mouth in an attempt to muffle my loud and hysterical laughter. As expected, I failed, the nurse and I laughed loudly as Renji just lay there, laughing as loud as we were. I giggled uncontrollably, tears streaming down all three of our faces. The nurse was on the floor, laughing a high, girly laugh. Renji's laugh was a deep, hardy laugh. It was only tainted by his almost audible blush of embarrassment. Doctors and other nurses popped their heads in the room to see what the ruckus was about. Finally the Chief of Medicine came into my room.

"What is all the noise about!?!" he asked. We just laughed harder. His face began to become red he frowned. He picked the nurse up off the ground and ushered her out of the room, she continued to laugh all the way, but she cupped her hand over her mouth and after a moment I couldn't hear her roaring laughter anymore. I coughed a few times before my laughter died down and I only guffawed slightly as Renji picked himself up off the ground. He picked the chair up quietly and he finished his fit.

Just then a small girl ran into my room. Her black hair was beautiful and for some reason I thought she looked like someone I knew, but I couldn't put my finger on where I'd seen her last. Renji stood when she entered the room.

"Ryukia! What are you doing here? Is something wrong?" asked Renji as the girl noticed me laying in the bed.

"Renji, there is an emergency in sector 3" she said quickly. She glanced behind her as a strange orange haired boy arrived. Ichi-something?!?

"Ichigo…."I whispered. He looked up at me with amazed eyes.

"You remember my name?" he asked, like he knew me.

"How do I know you? You're always in my dreams….but how could you be real?" I whispered in amazement.

"Ryukia and I sent you here, we saved you from a Hollow, we went to see your family…..then we sent you here. How are you a Soul Reaper already? Aren't five years of attendance at the Soul Reaper Academy required? It's only been three years." Ichigo ranted. Suddenly I was assaulted with memories. Things like this I had suppressed long ago. Thinking about my family was too painful. I closed my eyes for a moment, composing myself. "Kai Helsenki, what happened to you? I was about to say I'm glad you're doing okay, but then I remembered where exactly we are."

" Well, Rangiku had a problem with me, so she decided to use a practice exercise to bash my head in." I said, shaking my head slightly.

"Ichigo…….Renji. We really should leave" said Ryukia as she took Ichigo's hand. He wrapped his hand around hers lovingly.

"Yeah. I'll come by later Kai. We have a lot to catch up on" said Ichigo as he smiled at me and turned to leave. Ryukia looked back as Renji waved at me and also promised to be back later. He ran out after Ryukia and Ichigo. I sighed as I was left alone. I pressed the nurse button several times, hoping to get the attention of a nurse. Finally a few minutes later a nurse poked her head in my door.

"You called dear?" she inquired. I nodded calmly.

"When can I go home?" I asked, making a cute face, hoping to get the answer I wanted.

"Well…the doctor probably will want you to stay for a few more days" she said, giving me an apologetic look. "just to make there is no swelling or damage to your brain" she said as she crossed the room and pat my head. She turned to check my fluids. I sighed in despair. I would be stuck in here while everyone had fun. I really hoped Ichigo and Renji would come back to keep me company. My stomach fluttered at the thought of Ichigo coming back. All my memory flooded back and I could remember the way Ichigo had held my hand protectively. Back then he was just trying to comfort me, but now I could almost feel his warm skin on my hand. It was amazing that he remembered me, but even more amazing that I let the memories of him filter through. I sighed as I allowed myself to think about my family. My mother and father became the image that assaulted my brain. My sisters May and Nina joined them in the picture and I shook my head as I felt my eyes water for the first time in at least a year. I missed them so much. I couldn't even bring myself to travel to the human world and go to the city I used to live in. I opened my eyes just to catch the few tears that escaped. I wiped them away with confidence. I had promised myself to not cry for them anymore. I had to move on, because here, I had family too. My friends meant the world to me.

It was for the people I cared for that I became a Soul Reaper. I had never worked so hard for anything in my whole existence. Day in and day out I was studying, it was a wonder that I made friends at all for my first three years. I thought of Renji, and then of Rangiku, whom I was still waiting for a visit from. Captain Hitsugaya came into my head. He was so kind to me, he truly is a great captain. My great captain. I sighed as I remembered his snow white hair and the way his ice like eyes bore into mine.

I gasped as I heard a soft shuffling noise by my door. I looked up carefully. I wasn't so surprised by who stood there, but it made my heart lurch to see how absolutely destroyed she looked. Rangiku walked slowly to me and collapsed at my side. I gasped in worry before I saw the shaking of her back that meant she was crying.

"Rangiku…."I sighed as I put my hand on her hair. I patted it softly.

"Oh, Kai. I am so sorry. I can't possibly….." she sobbed.

"Why, Rangiku? Why did you do it? I gave up. I didn't want to fight my best friend" I said, I withdrew my hand as the betrayal set in again. I cringed away from her as my fingers strayed to my perfect stitches. She looked up at me. Tears streamed down her face, I cringed as I tried to look away from her.

"He will never love me the way I love him, Kai" she sobbed. She buried her head in my sheets and cried for the longest time. I petted her hair and thought about what that had to do with anything. After a moment I thought I understood.

"Captain Hitsugaya? Oh Rangiku…" I sighed. She nodded her head with nothing more than a whimper.

"Kai, he was so impressed with you, so eager to compliment you. I could see it in both of your eyes, you already too late to stop what's going to happen!" cried Rangiku. I gasped. "I can't do anything to stop it…..it's killing me Kai. He'll never love me, but he already……it's going to happen Kai. I can feel it. I can't help but hate you for it." Rangiku cried as she grabbed my hand for comfort. I squeezed her fingers lightly. The fact that she just told me she hated me was slightly annoying but I was more mystified by the fact that she thought the Captain loved me, and I him. I admired him, but it was slightly insane to even think that a man like the Captain would even think of a woman like me in that way. I scoffed.

"Rangiku, you honestly think that Captain would ever think of ME like that? I'm so bland, why would he even consider that when he's got you? You two are together all the time….." I said, trying to calm her fears, and maybe make her resist nearly killing me the next time she thought I was trying to steal the captain from her.

"I am on suspension, Kai. The council is considering taking away my zanpakuto," said Rangiku quietly. Her head hung low as she sat quietly.

"NO!" I gasped. Just because of me? I would not allow it!

"The captain, he hasn't talked to me for days. I was at his door, crying, begging for him to let me in. He ignored me. He IGNORED ME!" cried Rangiku. She cried and sank to the floor so her cheek was pressed up against the white flooring. My heart broke for her. All she wanted was love, his love, and every day she had to try to go on by his side without it. I closed my eyes for a moment. Rangiku's sobbing was absolutely dreadful. She just lay there, crying and saying "Toshiro, oh Toshiro" and "Oh Kai, I'm so sorry. So So Sorry!"

I did all I could to console her, but at last my eye lids became heavy and I Rangiku's cried turned into quiet and broken snores. I closed my eyes slightly, hoping the hysterics were over and I could sleep. I took one of my pillows and pushed it under Rangiku's head. I touched Rangiku's cheek understandingly. Poor,poor girl. All because of me….all my fault.

I decided then, I would not let Captain Toshiro Hitsugaya touch my heart. I would never hurt my friend Rangiku. But I found as I promised myself, my heart ached at what could have been. I could see it in my head, Toshiro Hitsugaya holding me in his arms, kissing my lips, and telling me that I am his one. I shed one tear for what could never be. Little did I know that what had begun couldn't be stopped.


	3. True Love

A year later

I awoke in my little apartment. I turned softly, only to stare into the sleeping face of my love. He sighed in his sleep and wrapped his arms around me. I sighed and smiled lovingly.

"Toshiro………we have to go. Wake up, sleepy" I laughed as I touched his nose and his eyes opened slowly and staring back into mine. I looked into pools of teal ice and I wondered how I deserved this. I smiled and climbed out of bed and into the cool crisp air. I stretched largely and began to get ready for training today. There had been a scare about an attack from Los Noces and all the squads were on red alert waiting for the scum to come out and face our skilled forces. No harm would come to the Soul Society. Not so long as I held my zanpakuto in my hands and life coursed through me. I heard a rustle as Toshiro moved the sheets. I looked over just in time to see him roll over and fall to the floor with a meaty thud.

"Ungh!" Toshiro grunted as he fell. I covered my mouth as I giggled. His white hair was untidy as usual and I continued to laugh as he picked himself off the floor and ran his hand through his hair, laughing mockingly at my laugh. His high pitched "He he he" had me giggling harder and I gripped my sides. He smiled and was at my side in no more that a second. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. I bent my head down and he pushed up on his tip toes to push his lips against mine. I closed my eyes as a single tear tore down my cheek. Sometimes I thought I loved him so much it hurt.

"I love you" He said softly, in between adoring kisses.

"What could I have done to deserve someone like you and to be this happy?" I asked, honestly curious. I couldn't think of a single thing that I could have done for this. I was definitely no saint, and I hadn't donated anything or volunteered.

"I guess you're just very lucky" he laughed as he released me and began to start his day also. I watched as he dashed around the house, obviously looking for something.

"In the closet, third shelf, and two spaces over" I sighed. I smiled slightly as I watched him follow my directions and come out with his uniform. He smiled at me as he pulled it over his head and got dressed. His white uniform was elegant and I sighed as I pulled on my unoriginal uniform that matched every Soul Reaper's uniform in all of the Soul Society. I tied my belt and walked quietly over to the sword case. I pulled my zanpakuto out gingerly and slid it in its place. I stopped in front of the mirror to check my hair. I grimaced as I saw the hairs that stuck up wildly. I quickly licked my fingers and patted those hairs down. With narrowed eyes I decided that I couldn't get away with my hair looking the way it did so I threw it up and a tight low pony. I felt a slight tug on the tail and I turned to look at Toshiro.

"You look great today" he said with a smile. I turned back to the mirror with a skeptical look and then I laughed a little.

"You're just amazingly good at sucking up" I laughed as I bent down just slightly to kiss him. Sparks flew threw my veins when our lips met. Could it get any better than this? I smiled through the kiss and pulled away. I heard the same announcement for the hundredth time that told all Soul Reapers to head to their training facilities. I sighed and took out the door and I heard Toshiro follow. We ran through the familiar streets of the Soul Society and raced to our building. We found it and slowed to walk through the doors. Toshiro took his rightful place at the door. I bowed to him slightly.

"Captain" I greeted him. It was time to get to business. It was very important to us both that we kept our duties as Soul Reapers and our duties to each other very separate. There was a fine line between work, and pleasure and we don't intend to change that and step over that boundary. The council left us alone about our relationship, they actually seemed to enjoy it. I think they were just happy to see Toshiro happy and with a good woman. I smiled. I entered the building. I smiled over at Hojo and the others. They had kindly forgiven me for their embarrassing defeat on my first day a year ago. They all smiled back and waved me over. I jogged over lithely, they all laughed as I showed off a bit and did a few flips through the air as I joined them.

"Hey Kai, we are all going to a party after training. You and the captain want to come? It's going to cool. Just something to take the whole Los Noces thing off of everyone's mind, if even just for a few hours" said Hojo. He friends all nodded and exchanged looks.

"I'll ask the captain. I'm not sure what's going on tonight. But if all else fails, I'll come" I smiled. I glanced over at the captain. He was busy speaking to another captain and the wrinkle between his eyebrows was worrisome. I looked harder trying to read their lips. The others all seemed to pick up on the tension and it became eerily quiet as the two captains talked. My phone buzzed in my pocket so before it could draw any attention to me I darted into the next room to answer it.

"Kai, hey it's Ichigo" said Ichigo on the other line. He sounded tired and worn out. I was suddenly worried about my close friend's health.

"What's the matter Ichigo? Are you alright?" I asked, trying to calm down and not overact.

"What? Oh, Yeah. I'm fine. Chill. But something happened here in the World of the Living. Ulquiorra and his gang appeared, and now it's looking bad, Kai" said Ichigo, he sounded honestly worried about everyone in the Soul Society.

"Okay, thanks for the warning. You be careful, alright Ichigo? I'm going to be seriously pissed if I have to go to my best friend's funeral" I told him wearily.

"Don't you worry your head over me. It's you I'm worried about. Everyone says hi. I have to go. The head captain has arrived to survey the damage and the…….losses" sighed Ichigo.

"Bye" I said smally, now worried for my friend. ' it's looking bad, Kai' Ichigo's words rang in my head for a moment before I got my head together and went back into the large room. Captain Hitsugaya was still talking to the other captain and I sighed before sitting back down by my friends.

"Ichigo called. He's back in the World of the Living and Ulquiorra and his friends attacked. The battle is over but the head captain is there surveying the……losses." I said quoting my friend. "He says it's looking bad."

"Oh, I wouldn't be surprised if they sent us out soon then. Damn. I thought we'd have more time!" said Hojo as he slammed his fist on the ground in frustration.

"Did he tell you who all was……lost?" asked Haru. I shook my head quickly. I knew they all were afraid. Afraid that it might be their friends who had died, afraid that more might die. I looked over at Toshiro and finally he sighed and bowed to the other captain. He looked burdened, everyone was silent again as he stood on a platform and took a deep breath.

"Comrades, the battle we have been fighting with those in Los Noces is becoming much more urgent. A battle was fought in the World of the Living today and we have greatly underestimated their skill. It seemed more squads will be sent out to protect the World of the Living, seeing as they have chosen that as their battle field. We must stay strong and protect the Soul Society." Captain Hitsugaya said as his eyes scanned the crowd. I'd like to say he said all of this with confidence, but I saw as he stared into the faces of his squad, that he was truly terrified. Our eyes met for a second and it was then I saw the true extent of his fear. "Some of you may not return home, but it is with extreme pride and confidence that I will fight and even die by your side."

My heart began to pound when he said that. No, it couldn't be THAT bad. Ichigo was still alive, and even though I cared for Ichigo very much and thought he was a great Soul Reaper, Toshiro could easily over power him. If Ichigo could make it so could he. While I tried to convince myself of the truthfulness of that statement I stood. I walked up to Toshiro. His eyes were so worried that he couldn't even bring himself to smile at me.

"I received word from Ichigo about the battle in the World of the Living. He said that it is getting bad" I said wearily, not trying to bring bad news. I tried to think of another way to say that he needed to be careful without adding to his stress. I decided to leave it for another time. I looked into his ice blue eyes again, getting lost for a moment. "Captain, do not underestimate them. Ichigo told me that many men and women were lost for something as small as that. He said to be careful."

"Tell him thank you for the warning, and that I intend to be very careful. I don't plan on losing anyone, Kai. So please don't fret, we are an elite group of highly skilled Soul Reapers. If we all worked together, everything is going to be fine" he lied. I could see his bluff so I just bowed and walked away. Praying that this one lie could become the truth. I shook my head in denial. I glanced around as I looked into the faces of my fellow squad ten members. My heart clenched when I thought that maybe, just maybe, they might not return home. I let go of a hitched and pain filled breath and I glanced over at Toshiro, my captain, my love, and I knew that if anything happened to him, it would all be over. I would more or less curl up into a ball and die. I smiled as Captain Hitsugaya looked back at me, I tried to look as confident as possible so I could maybe give him a bit of peace. He nodded back at me with the hint of a smile on his lips.

"Everyone. I think in light of today's events, you all should go home, spend time with your friends and loved ones. Make necessary arrangements for being away" said Captain Hitsugaya. There was a gasp of surprise as everyone was taken off guard at the generous offer. I heard some say that they intended to stay and train today but for the most part the offer was taken up and people started to file out the doors. I walked up to the Captain slowly.

"Are you sure that was wise Captain? We could use this time to practice and train.." I said trailing off at the end. I looked into his eyes. They furrowed.

"Yes, let's go home Kai. The news it stressful, let's take this last night to relax before the chaos begins" he whispered as he took my hand. I nodded quickly. I smiled at him as we took off running, ready to get to the safety of our home. I thought about what to make for dinner and I decided to put a bit more effort in the meal. I was going to pamper him tonight. I smiled a bit to myself. I think there was some chicken in the fridge……

My excitement grew as we walked through the door of our small apartment. I released his hand as I bolted into our kitchen. Rummaging around I found all the ingredients to make baked chicken. I gathered a few side dishes and I left the oven to heat up as I went into the bedroom to change out of my uniform. Toshiro was laying on the bed with his eyes closed. I smiled.

"Dinner should be done in an hour Toshiro. It's your favorite" I said with a small laugh. He opened his eyes slowly and I turned for the bed for a moment to join him. I lay next to him on the bed, I sighed comfortably as he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly against his chest. I leaned my forehead against his. I could feel his cool breath pass over my skin, I shivered slightly.

Finally I sighed and began to climb off our large bed. I walked over to my dresser and pressed my fingers against its hard handle. I pulled it open gently and searched for my favorite outfit. I grinned largely as I pulled out a sleek and short black dress. From the corner of my eye I saw Toshiro smile also. I wasn't the only who liked this dress…… I walked into our small bathroom and slipped into it. I grabbed a hair clip and put my hair up messily. I put in some fancy earrings and evaluated my reflection in the mirror. I pushed my hair up and posed in the mirror. Mmm……not bad. I pulled my dress down a bit. I heard the timer for the oven go off as I remembered that it was preheating. I ran out of the bathroom to put the seasoned chicken in. The veggies and other sides were all waiting to be made so I got to it as I waited for the chicken to be done. I smiled as Toshiro turned on my favorite CD and leaned against the wall and watched me cook. I was tossing the salad when the timer went off for the chicken. I squealed happily as I pulled them out and saw how beautifully golden they were. I scooted the two pieces on their own plate. I set the table with a satisfied smile and I sung my favorite songs while Toshiro sat back and watched. I gasped as suddenly he was hugging me from behind.

"You know I love watching you cook" He sighed against my skin. I giggled and turned to face him.

"I cook every day," I laughed as I kissed his lips quickly. He smiled through my kiss and I watched him disappear into our bedroom to change. The plates clinked as I set them on the table and placed everything so that it looked like something out of a magazine. I smiled broadly as my favorite song came on.

_I set out on a narrow way many years ago_

_Hoping I would find true love along the broken road_

_But I got lost a time or two, wiped my brow and kept pushing through_

_I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you…_

I sang to myself happily. I was so excited for tonight. I really wanted to relive Toshiro to his burden, if even just for this last night before hell was upon us. I continued to sing. I heard my love enter the room and I looked up. I stood as he came from behind me and he pushed my chair toward the table in a very gentlemanly way. I watched as he took his seat and as he looked at me up and down, his eyes traveled all over the room, the lit candles and the nice meal had him mystified.

"Kai, what's the occasion? You look gorgeous, and this meal? It's amazing!" he said as he shoved a fork full into his mouth. I smiled and blushed deeply.

"Thank you. Really, I just like to pamper you. It makes me happy to see you relax and enjoy yourself" I said as I put a few small bites onto my mouth and chewed. Toshiro smiled at me broadly.

"Well, I am, thank you Kai" he said. We ate without much conversation. I pushed the remaining bits of food around my plate as Toshiro went beck for seconds.

"Toshiro? You know I love you right? More than anything?" I asked. He looked at me with a weary look. His eyebrows furrowed.

"What? Of course Kai. Why?" he asked. My stomach did flips as I thought of a way to tell him to be careful without reminding him of Los Noces and ruining our evening. My eyes were downcast, I couldn't even bring myself to look at him while I said my part.

"I always want you to know that I love you and no matter whatever happens to you or to me, I will always feel the same. The way I feel about you, Toshiro Hitsugaya, nothing, even death, could change that" I said. I looked up toward the end. His teal eyes sparkled and I watched as he got up and walked over to me. He took my hand and helped me stand. He led me to our bed and my heart raced. We both climbed in the bed and both of our hearts started pounding.

"Kai…." He whispered. My hands were tangled in his hair as I pulled myself closer to him.

"Yes?" I asked as my eyes bore into his. I stared into deep beautiful pools of teal. His eyes were so amazing, it is like I can almost see into his soul. I marveled at the beauty of his soul. It seemed that Toshiro was doing the same as I was.

"Why does it seem, even now as you look at me, that you are saying goodbye?" he asked. His eyes became pained and I saw the worry behind all his beauty.

"Shh….." I said. A tear fell from my eye and Toshiro caught it before it fell. I put my finger to his lips before I spoke again. "Please, don't promise me anything. Just be with me tonight, just let me love you……" I pleaded. He started to say something but suddenly I made sure his lips were very busy. I held my love close, knowing that chaos was not far behind. I memorized his face with tender fingers and Toshiro did the same. It seemed that there was no space between us, and even though it seemed impossible I pulled myself closer to him. Suddenly he stopped, he released his hold on me and he began to climb off our bed. "Toshiro?" I asked. Not wanting him to move from my arms. I began to pout a bit to show exactly how much I hated the distance. I saw him poke around in a drawer and evidently he found what he was looking for because he tucked it in his pocket. He waved his hand to tell me to come over to him so I obliged. He smiled at me as I joined him, he hugged me close. To my surprise suddenly he was out of my arms and I could feel my hand being tugged toward the ground. With a confused and happy look I glanced down and found Toshiro on his knees. My free hand was now clasped over my mouth as I realized what was happening. I looked down at a sparkling ring and my breath was taken away.

"Kai Helsenki. Since the day I met you, I knew that there as something very special about you. Your raw talent and enthusiastic attitude made me fall for you, and thank god, you were there to catch me. I love you" he said, looking at me with adoration in his eyes. "Will you marry me?" I tried to calm down but I couldn't stop the tears that began to fall down my cheeks.

"Oh, Toshiro…..Yes, Yes. I will marry you!" I sobbed as I threw my arms around his neck. With a victorious look on his face he slipped his ring on my finger.

"Thank you. For everything" he said as he touched my face. I smiled through the tears as I laughed a bit.

"I should be the one thanking you. You know Toshiro, it was never rational for you to love me. I mean really, what could a handsome, powerful captain, and a man with so much heart I swear it comes out his nose some days, want with someone like me?" I asked. I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against his contently.

"You don't see yourself clearly at all" he said while he smiled and grabbed my waist. I tilted my head down and I waited for his lips to touch mine. When they finally did I found myself gravitating toward the bed. We plopped down on the bed and continued to kiss passionately. Happy tears streamed down my face. I wasn't surprised though when Toshiro interrupted our kissing.

"Why are you crying, Kai?" he asked, his voice was strong with emotion. It seems we both were enjoying our night together. I smiled to myself.

"They're happy tears," I whispered. I planted small kisses up his neck and I felt him shiver. I looked up into his eyes. I frowned when I saw sadness there. I touched his face lightly as I crushed my body against his. "Don't be sad. What in the world do you have to be sad about?"

"Tomorrow, when we leave for the World of the Living, Kai. I don't know what I'd do if you got hurt. God forbid you were……." He said as he cut off.

"If I were what? Killed?" I asked. I was saddened to see how he flinched when I said 'killed'. "Toshiro, promise me, that you will not interfere in my fight to save me. Don't put yourself in danger to save me. Please, will you promise?" I begged. His eyes became tortured as he stared at me.

"You of all people should know I can't do that. Kai, if I can save anyone's life, especially yours, I would do it without a second thought" he told me this as he grabbed my hands and held them in both of his.

"Please, Toshiro. Promise me you'll try to keep yourself safe. Don't worry about me. I couldn't handle you getting hurt because I was too weak to take care of myself. It would destroy me, so please, PLEASE, promise me!" I pleaded desperately. I took my hands from his and I took his face in my hands.

"Toshiro, I love you. Don't let anything take you from me" I said as I quickly pressed my lips against his. I was gasping for air by the time I pulled away. There is nothing better than kissing. On second thought there is, I added in my thoughts. Kissing TOSHIRO was the better than kissing……I waited until we both had caught our breath. Then I aggressively put my lips back to his.

The next morning……

My eyes cracked open slightly, only to be greeted by a hot and blinding sun. I put my arm over my eyes to block the light while my eyes adjusted. I heard a shuffle from across the room so I turned quickly.

"Sorry to wake you. I was trying to be quiet," Toshiro said. He sat in the chair on the other side of the room.

"Don't be sorry. It's okay. We should be leaving soon anyways, right?" I asked. I sat up, pulling the sheet around my chest. He nodded solemnly. I sighed and started my journey off the bed. I scooted my way across the sheets as Toshiro just watched me get ready. I saw, out of the corner of my eye, Toshiro's tortured look. I turned my glance away from his pitiful face. I just couldn't stand having him look this way. My eyebrows furrowed, would he do as I had asked him too last night? To not interfere in my fight? To keep himself save at all costs? I rummaged through my drawer for an uniform that wasn't horribly wrinkled. Finally I found one and got dressed. I tried not to notice that his eyes followed me wherever I went. I couldn't even bring myself to look into his eyes, the eyes that were filled with pain and fear. I glanced down at the ring that was on my finger still. I wondered at it quickly, had he really asked me to marry him last night, from that point on that night had seemed like the most wonderful dream. We had not mentioned today's fight after that and we finally could concentrate on loving each other. We was everywhere to me last night, I could still feel his cool breath on me as I thought about it. How wonderful.

I turned around to look at Toshiro. It killed me to see him so frightened but I couldn't squander these last peaceful moments with him. I walked slowly over to the chair that he sat in and I carefully sat on his lap. I rested my head on his strong chest, I wasn't very surprised that soon after it shook with cries that he wouldn't let me hear. I wrapped my arms around his neck and I planted soft, comforting kisses on his collar bone. I trailed the kisses up his neck, then up his jaw before they reached his lips. He kissed me back softly, I could taste his bitter worry and the tears than flowed down his face.


	4. Losing

We heard the familiar announcement so we dashed out the door. I studied everything, the way the wind blew my hair, the way his hand wrapped around mine so perfectly. The children had sad expressions as they waved us goodbye. We nodded. Toshiro had wiped his tears away and I could barely rein mine in. The knot in my throat choked me. Today at the door, when I was sure nobody was looking, I kissed Toshiro's cheek. He stared me in the eyes and squeezed my fingers before I entered. Hojo stood in Rangiku's old space. I had begged for her to stay as a Soul Reaper but they had not listened. Toshiro hadn't seemed affected by her loss, he had been really miffed about her nearly killing me…

Finally I snapped back into reality as I joined Hojo, Haru, and Yuki in their circle. They greeted me, all looking nervous and very scared.

"How's the captain?" asked Yuki in a small voice. I looked over to him surprised. Yuki rarely spoke, and it was even rarer for him to speak to me. After I had gotten over the shock of his casual small talk I shook my head.

"He has faith in you all. We've never faced anything of this magnitude before. He's got your best at heart, all your best." I whispered, I turned my gaze to see Toshiro greeting everyone at the gate. Anyone else wouldn't see the fear in his eyes. He met my gaze and I could tell how much he wanted to wrap me in his arms and take me away from this. And I know he could see that I wanted to do the same for him, but with the knowledge that no one could escape this fight brought us despair and pain so we looked away from each other and got ready to go. I grabbed a sharpening stone and ran it over the length of my sword. I felt it almost vibrate with anticipation of the blood bath. All I could do was to hope that it wasn't our blood that would cover the ground by the end of this battle.

"Squad ten. File out!" Yelled the captain. We lined up perfectly and strode out the door. Fearful murmurs could be heard throughout the line and when we reached the portal to the human world everyone was trying to get into battle mode. Toshiro ran through the gate first, my heart gave a squeeze as he disappeared behind the gate and slipped momentarily from my view. I ran fast over the bridge to the human world, hoping to regain the sight of Toshiro. As I passed through the portal I blinked against the light of the sun. The pseudo sky in the Soul Society was never this bright. I reached down for my zanpakuto and faced the direction that the enemy would be attacking from. Squad one and three joined us in the battle front and the captains placed each soul reaper strategically to deliver the most damage and to keep the portal to the Soul Society guarded so that none of Aizen's men could possibly get through. Against Toshiro's arguments I was placed in the front lines with the rest of the advanced fighters, where I could do the most damage. The captains would be in the front also, that thought had my stomach flipping nervously, but it also was a relief to me that I would be able to see him at all times.

The first of Aizen's fighter appeared and I raised my weapon threateningly. The enemy looked warily at our numbers that stood above theirs. A few of the men sized up our fighters, most of them looking at Toshiro like he would be easy to take out. I grew amazingly angry at their sneers and red danced around the edges of my vision. They would feel my wrath momentarily, and those who underestimated Toshiro would feel his power before he ran them through with his sword. They would know defeat by his hand, and I wished his wrath upon those who clearly deserved it. Aizen's general yelled "CHARGE!" and his men came flying at us with lightening speed. Their front line crashed into ours with such force that we slid back across our floating battle ground.

"AHHH! YOU DIRTY HEAVENS! DIE BY MY BLADE!" I screamed in anger as I ran one enemy through with my sword, laced with the poison that I could summon to seep from the pores of my zanpakuto. The poison was like Arsenic, it made you feel warm and sweet before you died. It was quite fitting I thought. Toshiro always used to tease me that I was sweet but deadly like my poison. "Snake of Sweet Death!" I screamed releasing a snake-like creature that spattered poison on Aizen's men and wrapped around a fighter who was about to attack Toshiro from the back. My attack killed about three men, and for some reason I took satisfaction that I had killed those men to prevent them from Killing my comrades.

I slid my zanpakuto in its place and pulled out my short swords. I slashed at the enemy, trying to keep tabs on Toshiro as he fought his own battles. I had taken down a few more soldiers before I heard a yell " Kai!" came an all too familiar voice. I whipped around to see who had called my name, only to find one of Aizen's men about to run me through with his blade. I tried to deflect the swing off my hilt but his sword met with the soft flesh of my arm and ripped a gash to the bone. I cried out in sheer agony and heard a desperate roar come from close by. I watched as my attacker raised his sword to end my life. I tried to raise my sword to defend myself but my arm was dead at my side. I closed my eyes, and whispered,

" Toshiro, I love you". I heard the sickening sound of sword cutting through flesh and the groan that came with such a wound. But as I realized that neither of the sounds had come from me I opened my eyes, praying that I wouldn't see what I was about to see. I saw a very short man with snow white hair. His once white robes were now a sea of red blood and the tip of a sword was sticking out of his back. I screamed out load as the sword twisted around to deliver more damage. When the sword disappeared from his back I had tears running down my face and the wound on my arm didn't hurt nearly as bad as the now horrifying pain in my heart. Toshiro fell back onto my lap and I ran my fingers through his hair and stroked his face. I heard another soul reaper finish off the man who attacked me but I barely noticed. I was crying so hard that I could barely hear anything but my heart beat and my desperate sobs.

"I couldn't…let…him hurt..you" gasped Toshiro , though his mouth was overflowing with blood. I screamed him name, begged for help. " Kai, I…..love ya" he choked out with a hint of a smile.

"I love you, you silly, over protective, _stupid,_ man." I whimpered. I kissed his lips, tasting his blood in my mouth. When I looked back up his eyes were closed. I moaned in pain. I looked around, noticing that the fight was over and that we had clearly won. My heart shuddered, it didn't feel like we had won. I was losing, losing everything that mattered to me in one moment. Someone came over to me and told me they were rushing Toshiro to the Soul Society to be healed. I just nodded and sobbed as they carried him away. Hojo found me. He lifted me to my feet without a word, then discovering I was quickly losing blood he carried me back to the Soul Society to be healed also.

When we arrived at the hospital they sent a healer into my room to fix my arm. I asked about Toshiro over and over. I was told that I had lost a lot of blood and needed to worry about myself for now. I would just scream and cry until they subdued me with medicine that made me sleep a lot. Each time I woke groggy and with a headache, but I never failed to ask the one pressing question that was the key to my existence, 'Was Toshiro alright?'. I had been in the hospital for a day, I had avoided the nurses needles and I was thankful for that when Ichigo came bursting into my room. His hair was disheveled and his eyes were scared. When he saw me he wordlessly ran over and hugged me.

"Kai, Kai, Kai. I'm so sorry. Don't you worry sweetheart, everything's going to be okay. Calm down." he whispered because I had started to sob into his shoulder. I leaned my head into the nook between his shoulder and his head and he rested his cheek against the top of my head. "Kai, god, please don't cry. You're making me all sappy" he chuckled. I nodded with as much of a smile as I could muster. Ichigo pulled away and smiled at me. "That's the Kai I know. I brought good news. They told me he's stable. They put him in a medicine induced coma so he can heal. They say he has a chance of pulling through. It's slim, but if I know anything about Toshiro, it's that he is a fighter. He fights for what he loves. He'll fight to come back to you Kai. I know it." I wiped my tears away and closed my eyes. Images of Toshiro danced behind my lids, hi knelling to propose to me, him smiling and humming my favorite songs to me at night. I could almost feel him embracing me. At that a nurse came in and told Ichigo I need to relax and he took his leave, promising he'd come back tomorrow. They medicated me and I slipped into the darkness where Toshiro's condition couldn't haunt me.


	5. Dreams

"Helsenki-san" called a voice, dragging me from my comfortable darkness. "Helsenki-san, please wake up."

"Mmmhhm?" I asked, rolling over and opening up my sleep-encrusted eyes. A short black haired girl faced me. Her eyes were soft and kind. They reminded me of _his_ eyes, so deep and full of care. "Please, I am feeling much better. Take me to Toshiro Hitsugaya. There is nothing more vital to me than to know he's…alive" I asked, choosing my words with care so that I would not put my already unstable emotional state at risk.

"That is why I was sent. The doctors decided that you are physically well enough…." said the nurse. She looked worried and uncertain. "Helsenki-san, please know that Captain Hitsugaya is badly injured and although that is true he looks a lot worse than he actually is."

"Is that so?" I whispered, closing my eyes against the onslaught of pain that her warning brought me. My hands trembled wickedly but I tried to calm them so that the doctors wouldn't change their minds about me being ready to see Toshiro. I stilled my hands and steadied my breath. "Please, take me to him. I am as ready as I ever will be."

"Yes Helsenki-san. You feel well enough to walk, correct?" my nurse asked. I flashed a fake smile at her, assuring her that surly the least I could do was walk to his room by myself. I could see it in her expression that she could tell that my smile was phony, she could see the horror and misery clearly in my eyes. I almost hated the pity that filled her eyes. I wanted to banish it because I was the person who least deserved it. I carefully moved my stiff legs to carry me from here to where I needed to be.

I wasn't sure if when I saw him that my legs could still hold me up against the crushing grief that was sure to grind my soul into dust. My feet shuffled against the cold floor. My eyes remained on the nurses feet as she led me through the winding halls to the intensive care rooms. I was shaken from my wandering thoughts as the nurse stopped in front of a room. I was amazingly reluctant to look up to deduce his condition for myself. I heard the nurse walk away. I started to shake again as I slowly brought my eyes up, looking at the pale bed that held Toshiro.

I saw the tubes before I saw Toshiro's mangled body. A whimper escaped my lips as my control slipped ever so slightly. I stumbled over to the bed, my hands gripping the rails so hard that my knuckles were white like his hair. Another cry slipped through my tightly pressed lips. I tried not to fall to my knees as my gaze slid to his serene face. His calm features reminded me of a painting where angels softly rested on clouds. Through all my pain and grief, a smile graced my lips. This smile was genuine, true and completely real.

My hand went to touch his cheek softly. I strained to keep my eyes on his perfect face and not let my gaze stray to the wound on his chest, the wound that is entirely my fault. My fingertips brushed against his skin. I winced, feeling how cold and clammy it was. I stroked his skin hoping that somehow, deep inside, that he could feel my touch.

"Toshiro, I'm here. Come back to me. You have to come back and marry me Toshiro. I already told you that nothing could change the way I love you. Please don't die. Please…..just don't….leave me." I begged desperately. Toshiro's bed was large enough so I pushed his tubes out of the way. I made sure no doctors were looking as I climbed over the bars and snuggled myself against his unresponsive body. I knew that he was buried in his body somewhere. I knew that he could feel me laying next to him. I reached for his hands hating their coldness. I tried to warm him without bumping him around too much. Doctors passed Toshiro's room, glancing worriedly at my location, but no one told me to abandon his bed. I was content to lie there forever, I was happy to show him that no matter his condition that I was there and my desperate need for his presence had not changed in the slightest. Even though I resisted I slipped into a peaceful slumber by Toshiro's side.

"Kai?" a voice called through my dream. I spun wildly looking for the source of the familiar sound.

"Yes?" I called softly. I took in my surroundings, in awe of the beautiful island I was standing on. I stood on an amazing beach where the sand was the most perfect shade of yellow and the water was the lightest shade of blue. I was captivated by the water and I reached out to it with my hand.

"Kai, come to me" called another familiar voice. I spun again to see Toshiro and Ichigo standing on either side of me, only a few steps out of my reach. Toshiro stood on the pretty blue water, floating gracefully and uninjured on an ice patch.

"Toshiro!" I cried in happiness. I stumbled to him leaving Ichigo on the warm yellow sand but I didn't seem to grow any closer to where he still bobbed on the water. "Ichigo? What's going on? Why can't I go to him?" I asked stupidly.

"Come over to me, Kai. Forget that weak fool" Ichigo said, reaching his arms out to me. I took a step in his direction until I heard Toshiro cry out in pain.

"Kai! Don't…leave me!" begged Toshiro as he grasped his chest in his hands. I looked confusedly over at him as I noticed his palms were covered in blood.

"TOSHIRO!" I wailed as I jumped away from Ichigo, desperately reaching out to Toshiro…

"Kai?" yelled as voice as I wretched myself into a sitting position, effectively ending my dream.

"No!" I yelled out with despair as I found myself in my own hospital bed with Ichigo standing in my doorway.

"Kai. Calm down! It was just a dream, whatever it was, it's over now" Ichigo told me soothingly as he took me in his arms and gave me a squeeze.

"Oh god, I don't think it is" I whispered to myself as I unwillingly put my arms around Ichigo and cried into his shoulder. He rocked me and whispered calming things in my ear and I found myself folding into him comfortably. My heart picked up speed as Ichigo held me and because of this dream I had to wonder….did Ichigo and I love eachother?


	6. Two Women

"Kai? Ichigo?" called a voice from my doorway. I flinched away from Ichigo's warm embrace as I saw Momo, Toshiro's childhood friend standing awkwardly in the door.

"Momo!" I cried out happily. I held my arms out to her and she took the few steps to walk into my hug. I tried not to notice the suspicious look in her eyes when she glanced at Ichigo. I squirmed uncomfortably even though I was guilty of nothing.

"How is he?" Momo asked, suddenly I noticed the red rings around her eyes and realized that she had been crying. "They won't let me see him."

"I'll fix that as soon as I can. He's doing better they said" I told her, hoping to soothe her. She smiled just slightly. "They even said he looks worse off than he really is. I even took a nap with him. He'll be fine."

"I'm so glad. Toshiro is a strong man, He'll come back. I know it." She said with a smile on her face and tears in her eyes, giving me a mixed message on how she really felt.

" Oh Momo. I know it. I know it so well" I smiled. I Grabbed her robes and pulled her into a hug again. I squeezed her tight and I felt her chest shake with sobs. "DOCTOR!" I yelled. After a moment a man in a white coat popped his head in. "Please, Momo and I would like to visit Toshiro…together"

"Please, Kai. Captain Hitsugaya is only allowed visits from immediate family. The only reason you were allowed in was because…well when you were brought in we found the ring. Congratulations" He said with a smile. Momo gasped and I worried for a moment she was upset. That was until she squealed and hugged me again.

"He finally did it? He'd been talking about it for months!" She laughed and kissed my cheeks. Surprised and stunned a little bit I slowly began to thaw and I smiled and hugged her back.

"Please. She is his best friend. Oh and fetch my ring. I don't want to sit a moment more without it" I said, still smiling. Just then my joy was interrupted by the sharp intake of breath that Ichigo took just before he stormed from my room without a word. "Ichigo! Where the hell are you going?" I called as I lost sight of him. My heart pounded. That's right. I hadn't told Ichigo about Toshiro's proposal. I remembered just a few moments ago, the time when I was considering Ichigo and I's feeling toward each other. Even if I wasn't sure if I loved Ichigo, Ichigo's reaction made me think he had made his choice. Tears stung my eyes but I took a moment to compose myself.

"Kai? You okay? I wonder why Ichigo got so upset just then. I'll bet he forgot he had a date with Rukia" Momo giggled.

"That's not it." I snapped. Momo stared at me with big eyes. "I'm sorry Momo. I'm not sure what got into me. Doctor. Please let us see him." The doctor looked uncomfortable for a second then shook his head.

"Think of it as an early wedding present." He said as he walked over to Momo and pressed a pass card into her hand. She smiled and kissed his cheek in a friendly way. Unfortunately for him that didn't stop him from blushing like a school boy. I laughed and climbed from my bed.

"Oh! I almost forgot. You are going to LOVE me for this!" said Momo as she fished in her robed and pulled out some casual clothes, jeans and my favorite T-shirt. The one that Toshiro loved. I smiled took them from her waiting hands and retreated into my bathroom to change. I was so thankful to get out of that ugly paper robe that the hospital kept me in that the whisper of the denim and cotton over my skin felt like a dream. Once I was changed and my hair was combed I skipped out to Momo and grasped her hand, pulling her towards Toshiro's room. Hoping no one would notice, Momo slid the pass card through the scanner and the door slid open with ease. She smiled and almost pulled my arm from my socket the way she pulled me through the door, eager to see her life-long friend. I pointed to his room and she almost took off running. Only my hand held her back but I could see the strain in her eyes that showed me her desperate need to see Toshiro's condition for her own. It was the same look I had in my own eyes only yesterday.

"Oh Shiro….." she whispered as he came into her view. She did run to him then. I stayed behind, giving her as much time as I could keep myself away from him. Just as I reached his door the doctor that give Momo the pass card came through the doors and spotted me. He held up the ring in his hand and I almost sang with joy.

"Here you go Kai. It really is beautiful. You should have seen the nurses when they took it off you. They were green with envy. I think a few of them even spent what little free time they had staring at it and drifting into their happy place where I wouldn't doubt they were wearing it" the doctor said with a chuckle and bright smile. I laughed along as I took it from his palm and slid it effortlessly onto my ring finger. It felt so right to have it sitting there, a token of Toshiro's love for me and my love for him. It seemed perfect. I thanked the doctor again and I turned to enter Toshiro's room. Momo was holding his hand and talking to him, telling him what he was missing and how proud she was that he finally got the courage to ask me to marry him. She even laughed and confided in his sleeping figure that she wasn't sure that he'd ever work up the nerve to do it. She said that if he'd waited any longer that she would have come up to me second grade style and asked me to marry him herself. I couldn't help but giggle so my presence at the door of the room was suddenly noticed by Momo. She laughed and turned to me. She had tears running down her face but she had a smile that stretched a mile wide.

"He looks like he's sleeping doesn't he Kai? I actually like it. Usually he's too busy talking to listen to what I'm telling him. He's a much better listener now" She laughed through her tears. At the end of her sentence though her voice broke and her head dropped to her and Toshiro's joined hands and she wept. I walked over to her calmly and hugged her shaking back. I wasn't sure when it started, but after a moment I realized I was crying too. Momo eventually let go of Toshiro's hand and turned to hug me tight and we cried together, a fiancée and a best friend completely lost without one man. One man who was everything to those two women. One man who laid there, sleeping like an angel, his features soft, his chest rising and falling rhythmically, and a heart that beat strong, like the sound of a war drum.


End file.
